Opposites Attract ?

Do we have to agree to get on ?

The beauty of living is that we are all individuals. Each one of us brings something different to every partnership, group or organisation that we belong to. It is a strength that we have different strengths ! Just because we do not agree on the everyday media, entertainment and issues should not be a block to understanding each other. I would not want to be friends with myself, no point, one of me is enough to cope with ! Everything in life comes down to balance. Likes and dislikes are there to bind us together, create open debate and facilitate getting the job done. No point in having a kitchen full of pastry chefs !

Being different from one another is a tremendous benefit. Relationships work better when we do not agree on everything.

Sharing

Do you know what you want from a relationship ? If you already have a partner you will know that much of the relationship falls into place without words. The routine of living is established without too much debate. Sharing the responsibilities of being together lessens the burden. And it is this sharing that forms the base of many relationships.

Single people miss out and will find themselves in a position that comes down to them. If they do not do something it does not get done. The fundamental part of sharing is what we seek, and is what many of us want. Being able to talk about shared experiences with a partner enhances that experience.

So if you struggle knowing what you want it is simple, you just want to share. Nothing complicated nothing out of reach, nothing that you can not achieve.

The Language of thought 

The language of relationships is a law to it's self. How many times have you wanted to understand how others think ? Just to be inside the other sexes head for a few moments would answers so many of the questions that we have. So if I was to tell you there is a way to understand how a potential date, future partner or long lost soul mate was thinking would you want to know about it ? To right you would. The key to understanding how the opposite sex thinks is to understand the words that they think with. We all talk to ourselves inside our heads ? Don't we ? And it is true to say that the thinking words that we use are the words that we resonate with and understand the most. Our thoughts or thinking moulds us to the way we think and act in relationships. Lets start with a simple word that many believe but the definition varies from female to male and from person to person. 'Loyalty' This is our first thought when we are looking to date. We are looking for a loyal person. A person who is on my side. A person who would never do me any harm. A person who would never upset me. All three of these phrases come from that one simple word. Such a small word with a host of meanings. All of which are impossible to predict or establish without time. Straight away the word loyal is fitting in to what you want it to mean, and setting out a difficult set of conditions . I am not saying you should not set high standards but before you can impose the word loyalty on a partner, you have to get to know them first. Understand them, and be able to forgive them. As I am reminded every single day, nobody is perfect. One thinking word that needs to be placed later on in a relationship. Commitment. Another word that has hidden meaning. This is a phrase that often come from people looking to find a partner. " I need them to show me that they can commit to me" This brings out all the other lines that sit alongside. Trust, empathy and our old friend loyalty. Some thoughts on commitment. When a person is fun to be with, shares common interests and is thoughtful it is easy to commit to that person. You sense commitment. Feel it with the other persons actions, it may not have to mentioned, and only is mentioned when you are not in control of your rational thinking. If we can not sense another persons intentions it is a sure fire thing that you do not take personal responsibility for your thoughts. You may be thinking I want a guarantee, I want to feel safe. How do I trust someone that I have just met ? All rational, but far to soon to be making judgements. Believe me you will know, even sense who that person is. If your senses are turned off or not working it means you have far too many agendas of your own that you are wanting to stay hidden. Relationships only develop when we go into them agenda free. Otherwise you are placing far too much pressure on yourself and any potential partner.

Being Single

Adult relationships are complicated, they are difficult. Meeting the right person to share the whole of the rest of your life is not easy. Relationships take personal knowledge, self esteem, the ability to trust and the willingness to share. An adult relationship is never 50% 50% it has to be 100% from each partner. So it is no wonder that many choose the single life over partnerships. Many reasons behind each person decision not to date. Choosing to live alone is far easier than coping, supporting, trusting what at first is a stranger. To date successfully you need certain things to fall into place. Luck and timings play an enormous part in finding the right person. But you can also prepare to meet'. Being the best version of yourself in mind and body can bring opportunities that you might miss otherwise. You may be amazed at how many people become invisible to us when our mind set is wrong. Those who remain single often are in default mode after having experienced a traumatic relationship. Or have never made the decisions of choosing parnters, relying on people finding them. Set your mind to defensive mode because of the emotional rejection or hurt is the mentality of a victim not wanting to be hurt again. I come across many who have been scared in adult relationships, which is extremely sad. Those who choose the company of animals instead of people. It does not have to be this way. You can become so much fulfilment from learning about 'how to discover the best people for you. Two simple rules about dating. Do not wait for others to find you. The hardest people to be with in a relationship are the easiest people to meet. You do not need to do any 'work on yourself, ask any questions or give out any self disclosure. The easy to meet people will do all of this for you. The down side is they will show no interest in who you are, they do not care. You represent to them a dispensable person. They care about themselves only, which is why they are single. Yes they may have all the right lines, right answers indicating that they want exactly the same thing that you do. But beware these lines are well rehursted, well practised, homed over many encounters that are only fleeting. Dating websites attract people like this. Great at making a first impression, bad at being in exclusive relationships that are built on understanding, thoughtfulness and eventually trust. These easy to meet people are brilliant at what they do because they can not maintain long term caring, sharing relationships. I would wager that many of you reading this would have encountered people like I have just explained. How do you spot a person like this ? Simple, you wait for them to ask you about yourself. Most will but only in passing, it is doubtful they would listen or take much notice of your answers. Be ready with some simple self disclosure to test my theory. The second simple rule is do not reverse date. Get to know the person first if you are serious about wanting a long term relationship. Meet friends that they have known for a few years. Let them speak for your potential partner. You can tell much about a person by the way that person chooses their friends. People who make good partners have a few long term loyal friends. Do not get confused by the number of friends a person has. Saturation of friends is a sign of a person who wants to collect people like butterflies. Quality long term friendships are an indication of a person who chooses to resolve issues rather than run from them. Please do not let your knowledge of other people get in the way of you successfully dating. Be aware of the people you are likely to encounter. But if you can not or do not want to get your mind around adult relationships buy a dog. Dogs are great unconditional company, never judge or test you, are loyal and loving.